I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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