yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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