the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
