I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
