a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize