I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
