New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
