Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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