There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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