Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
