So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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