somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
