Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
