Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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