I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize