Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
