I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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