i think my mom watched the whole time
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
