FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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