I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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