Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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