Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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