dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
