How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
