I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
