brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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