Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize