I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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