Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
