I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
