I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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