There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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