I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
