first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
