he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
