Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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