just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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