I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
