He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
