i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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