i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
