Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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