I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
