Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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