hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize