He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize