i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize