I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
