Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
