Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Girls should come with a carfax report
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
