I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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