capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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