I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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