did you get engaged???
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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