I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
