It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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