I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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