Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
