The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
