Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
