Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm just crazy horny about you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
