She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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