just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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