We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
