woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
