In the future we'll all be gay
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
